Dec. 27th, 2012 10:26 pm
hazey_sunshine: ([neutral] blue bird of paradise totem)
mission101 #34: Read at least one poem a week & keep record.

Tulips - Sylvia Plath )
Neither Spirit Nor Bird )
haiku - Madoka Mayuzumi )
Sherlock Roses/Violets Rhymes -tumblr )
i let you call me beautiful - Marty McConnell )
Late Night - Margaret Atwood )
7.being to timelessness as it’s to time - ee cummings )

8.Dracula - Bram Stoker  )

9.Ode to a Nightingale - John Keats )

10.She's - Christopher L. Jorgensen )

hazey_sunshine: ([positive] Dirty Dancing)

¿vendrás tú? por mis jardines vuelan
ya las primeras mariposas
sobre las rosas,
de noche los coyuyos
entre los yuyos.
sonríen las estrellas
pálidamente bellas.

¿y vendrás tú? se cubren
alegres, mis floreros
de madreselvas.
anda por los largos canteros
la risa azul del nomeolvides
y se cargan las vides.

tengo en el corazón;
árboles gruesos
prietos de ramas;
yuyos, retamas,
flores de malvón,
pájaros en las ramas,
todo eso tengo en el corazón.

¿y vendrás tú?
mis manos
fabricaron panales.
yendo de rosa en rosa cogí miel;
hice linos; no recuerdo de males.

el lecho mio es blanco
y es primavera. huele
bien, el alto barranco
mojado por la ría.
desde el mar que diviso
¿vendrá tu vela?
primavera es gacela
y furtiva,

—alfonsina storni
hazey_sunshine: ([positive] Phoenix)

So, here I am, in my own flat, on my own, at Christmas.
I'm working. I'm the most single I have been since 2007 (in that I *am* single, but there is a potential development being carefully explored). I have a home. I have a cat. I am an Auntie three times over! I'm embracing my spiritual life again. I'm fitter than I've probably ever been. I'm pretty sensible with life in general. I can look after myself, and do.

 Upstairs I have a bag of wrapped presents from some of my family, that I will open alone tomorrow, whenever I choose to get up. I have just the right amount of cards to go up on my corkboard & the mantlepiece. I have a pile of vouchers and a few presents already in use. I'm both over- & underwhelmed by it all. I went upstairs a while ago and it just hit me again - I'm here. Finally. here.
I have been fighting forever to get to this place.
A place just for me, a space where I am not waiting on anyone else to follow through their promises, where I can just do what I want, just for me. I depend entirely on myself, for everything. If I fall apart, I look after myself enough that I can go on. If I rejoice, I feel my heart swell. I'm not giving myself away now, not pouring my heart out beyond empty into anyone else. And that feels so strange, but also, good, right.

I miss having someone to cook for, someone to hold me through the nightmares, to fall asleep & wake up next to, to share stupid in jokes with when I find something I want to chatter about inanely. But I don't miss the cost. The cost has almost always been too high, just always actually, if I'm honest. Because no one has ever given me back what I gave to them, not for ever, not unconditionally, despite how many times it was promised unasked for.

Anyway. This is finally my christmas. Christmas is about the birth of the new light from the blesséd mother, from blood and pain and longing and despair. I can really appreciate that this year and I have been praying to and meditating with Mary, Elen, Freyja, it's been utterly moving to open myself back up, alone; all one.

I am ready
to call in the light
to embrace

hazey_sunshine: (Default)

rescue is possible

~ don't drop your arms, i'll guard your heart, with quiet words i'll lead you, in and out of the dark ~
~ live, i wanna live inspired, brighter than the northern lights ~
~ this is the first day of my life, i'm glad i didn't die ~

~ i made a mess of me, i wanna get back the rest of me
i wanna spend the rest of my life alive ~
*The Blog (i.e. what the hell I'm going on about)
*Switchfoot's song

(photos to come later!)

I love you, all my friends and family, and to any strangers who stumble here.
and if you're feeling low, as crazy as it sounds, you won't feel as low as you feel right now, it always gets better. There is always hope and love in the world.
Stay safe x
hazey_sunshine: ((thing) Books)
... )
hazey_sunshine: ((thing) Dresden Dolls)
I am still on some kind of awesome gig-high from last night. Went to see Kill Hannah (+ Serpico, + Exit Ten, + My Passion) with [livejournal.com profile] i_novander at the waterfront. I have bruises up my arms from being thrown into the mosh pit//out of it and against a pillar - I didn't fall, only because any time any of the 'tardy cool guys grabbed me to throw me, I'd dig my nails into their arm and refused to let go til I was safe. ^_^  I wore my corset :)  good tiems.
So, yeah, I should get out more. I'm pretty much done with my hiding away bit, I can't wait to see Anberlin in November.
I've bought some KH, ET & MP now, and listening to it. GO LISTEN TO EET.
I can't stop fckin grinning! oh god, i hope i don't crash down.

"well you're my audience:
above average intelligence, above average perversion." *Phi Weedon

Fajitas for breakfast/lunch. AWESOME.

I forgotted- I have my first dead screen pixel. :( (it's red, and half way up on the left). Mark pointed it out. I'd been actively denying it's existence. :/

~ i looked at the stars, and prayed that the universe was ours
it won't ever stop, my crazy angel

December 2015

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